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So much to say
I'm sleeping with this new guy, Travis. I like him. I really like him, but he's bad. Not in a bad guy kind of way, just in a lot of baggage, not emotionally available, baby momma kind of way. haha

He's been sober for 10 months, which I find very attractive. I need to date another alcoholic like I need a hole in the head, but he's in recovery. That's fantastic. I like it because it influences me to not drink. And I don't miss it when I'm around him. He is very sweet, and fun to be around. We have lively conversations, and he is incredibly funny.
The red flags (don't worry i'm not expecting anything to come of this relationship except for sex and friendship)
-He has a 2 and a half year old with his ex-girlfriend. That's not a big deal. The big deal is that they still live in the same house, so that their son doesn't have to go "back and forth". ummmm....that's all fine and dandy but sounds like you're still in a relationship without the sex.
-Their relationship was open. While some people may be great with that, and actually enjoy it, it isn't for me at this point in my life. Maybe someday down the road my thoughts on this might change, but I doubt it. I was honest and said I don't share. I don't think I can ever do an open relationship. He knows how I feel. I know how he feels. I feel like if we were to ever try to be more than friends this item alone would cause a lot of issues.

I realize there are only 2 red flags, but they are HUGE. haha.

He is kind of like jamie was. Fills the need to have sex with someone funny and attractive, but I have no intention of ever being anything more than that.

I have a date with a guy named Kevin tomorrow. Hes tall, and handsome. Handsome, and has a strong resemblance to John. I asked Kristin what to do...she said just date him. I go!

I'm so excited Kristin's wedding is only 4 weeks away! Hawaii here I come! I think mom is more excited than I am. Of course she's been waiting 50 years to go to Hawaii. She has already planned out when we need to leave to get to the airport on time. She is too funny.

So a couple months ago grandma told me she's selling the house. I understand completely. It's a financial burden. I am not interested in buying it, nor can I afford it. So I found a place to go. I called her yesterday to tell I can move out august 1st. She sounded shocked, and unsure of what to do. I hate to leave the house with no one to take care of it, but I also can't just sit and wait and wait and wait and never know when I'm going to have to leave. I"m ready to get out of the south end. I want to leave this chapter behind. Everything has reminders of John, and it makes me crazy! I mean fucking crazy. So I think August 1, I will rent a room in Stacey's house. How fun will it be to live with 2 of my best friends for a few months until Troy gets it together enough to be ready to move out.

John texted me at 3 a.m. a week ago. It simply said "u there". It woke me up. I was pissed. I did not respond. I deleted it. For about 3 seconds I thought about responding, but it would have just been something nasty. I'd rather just let him think I"m a bitch, than actually be one. I'm just so over all of his bullshit. The last time I saw him he looked terrible. He'd been doing coke for days, weeks maybe. I told him it was the last time we'd ever hang out. That was March 31, and I haven't missed him a day since. I'm pretty sure he's going to kill himself from drugs and alcohol. His girlfriend can fix that problem for him.

My birthday was great. Brandy, angela, AB, Stacey, Jackie, Ben, Keeyoun, Chris and Ally came out to the brave horse. We had drinks and dinner. Then we went out to a couple other bars and of course I was pretty drunk. Then AB and Stacey threw me a little birthday dinner/party that was so much fun! AB gave me a super cute Coach clutch, she is so sweet! Kristin took me out to the drunken easel, where we painted cheezy pictures and drank wine, it was awesome! I have great friends!!! They really are the family that I chose for myself.

I'm on day 4 of the whole 30. So far I'm loving it. IT's not the easiest thing. Especially today when I went to the grocery store, and can't really buy much except meat and vegetables. but I think about how good I feel, and how I don't feel bad after I eat, and it's completely worth it. Thinking about how I was so healthy a few years ago, and I ate this way then, is great motivation to keep going!

I feel like I"m in a good place in my life. I can't really complain about much. Except money. But what's new there? My student loans are rediculous. My car payment is crazy, why I thought I could do it I don't know. Now I have to start paying rent? Ugh. But I'm a big kid. I got myself into this mess, and by my own will I will get out of it. I'm looking for a job. I have the luxury of having a decent job that pays the bills, so I don't have to be in a hurry. I can look for a job that I want to stick with for awhile. But as long as I'm not sleeping on the street, like the people I so callously walk by every single day, I think my life is pretty great.


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